All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Quick, to the slutcave!
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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