is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
