I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Randomize
