WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Randomize
