Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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