everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
