This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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