i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
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