How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
