wanna go halves on a baby?
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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