Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
