im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
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