I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
