dude i'm inner monologue high
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize