At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
