ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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