When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
