thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
