on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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