Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
