i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
i love accidental penises.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
