ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
