She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
