why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
