Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
