Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
