i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
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