if i can run in heels then i can drive
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
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Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
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Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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