I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
