the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
