Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
This is not my ceiling
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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