how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
