how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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