I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
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