I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
People in love make me want to vomit
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They should really pass out barf bags in church
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the liver wants what the liver wants
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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