Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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