I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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