I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
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