It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza