Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?