Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(413): View more from Massachusetts

At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks

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(201): View more from New Jersey

Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.

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(847): View more from Illinois

He tried peeing out of the sunroof.

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(619): View more from California

The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?

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27 Socially Expected Things That Are The Absolute Worst
Read it at the TFLN blog
(770): View more from Georgia

How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.

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(984): View more from North Carolina

i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.

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(909): View more from California

he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.

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(765): View more from Indiana

Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well

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(646): View more from New York

Our relationship is perfect

(646): View more from New York

90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching

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