At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
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How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
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My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching