Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night