wakey wakey hands off snakey
someone owes me an orgasm
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
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Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
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I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka