I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.