You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
These 25 People Believed Fake Facts For Way Too Long
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
23 Adults Confess The Irrational Fears They Had When They Were Kids
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.