he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
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