I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
