i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I need water and some morals
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
