i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
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