weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
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