I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
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