I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
