I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
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