I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
50% drunk capacity currently
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
