I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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