What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
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i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
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You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
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