i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
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I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
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Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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