I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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