please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
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