capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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