I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
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