well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
