I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
