and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
