i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
