My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
I intend to get homeless drunk
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
