I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
