Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Randomize
