i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Randomize
