Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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